My earliest memory is of walking into the kitchen when I was two years old to find my parents fighting. My mom was crying and my dad was yelling. I tried to get their attention, to get them to love each other, but they didn’t notice me. I looked at my dad in that moment and with a sense of dread I realized that I too was male. In my limited understanding I thought that meant that I would also cause damage to women simply because of who I was. That was the beginning of my lifelong suicidal ideation because I would rather not exist then cause harm.
What I’ve learned over the years is that, yes, I have tremendous capacity to cause damage, but I also have the capacity to bring life and love and healing. And I always have a choice. What is my heart? What is my passion? It causes me pain to bring others pain. It truly breaks my heart. But it brings me tremendous joy to meet others in their vulnerable woundings, to bring love and healing, to be a safe masculine that is not ashamed to be tender and caring.
This is why I love being a massage therapist so much, and I’m so excited about the new training that I received in Mexico specializing in womb, fertility, and trauma healing. I will be sharing more about this soon, and also about plans to radically change my life. I’m diving headfirst into more of this work. Keep an eye out for upcoming posts, or reach out if you want to talk.
“The most beautiful souls are those who walked out of the fire, then returned with water for those still in it.” ~ Unknown (my goal is to be a beautiful soul).
“If you want to know where to find your contribution to the world, look at your wounds. When you learn how to heal them, teach others.” ~ Emily Maroutian