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[This is obviously an extremely personal subject, and not necessarily anyone’s business. However, I share in hopes that I can encourage others who may relate, as well as help my friends understand where I am coming from in my connecting.]
As someone who always considered myself a hopeless romantic, realizing that I prefer to be single came as a huge shock. I love love, I love affection, and I love comradery and teamwork, so I just assumed I wanted a relationship. I usually figured that any unease I felt about entering a relationship was related to past experiences and trauma.
But as I’ve tuned in over the last few months, it’s really struck me how much I haven’t listened to or honored my needs throughout my life. Survival mode through my childhood meant prioritizing everyone else. If everyone else was happy, then maybe I could be, because it wasn’t okay for me to be okay if everyone else wasn’t. But we can only be responsible for ourselves…
Again, as I’ve tuned in to myself, I realized that I have some unique needs that I should be honoring.
I AM HIGHLY EMPATHIC. I’m like a human tuning-fork, empathically experiencing what anyone around me is feeling. Not just relating, but like it’s my experience. This never turns off. This is a beautiful gift because it allows me to connect deeply with people, which I absolutely love to do. I am a healer at heart, and I see the inner beauty of others, reflecting it back to them. This automatic deep connection with anyone who has the capacity brings me joy.
I AM VERY INTROVERTED. Being introverted has nothing to do with not liking people or being socially awkward. Those are separate things. It is how one gets energy. I love people, but need a lot of alone time to recharge my energy. I am off the scale when it comes to introversion. I need a lot of alone time to recharge.
I AM UNLEARNING HYPERVIGILANCE. My nervous system is still unlearning 23 years of being on high alert for my and other’s safety. I love people, but am still healing so that my nervous system can stay calm around others.
I AM UNLEARNING CODEPENDENCY. It’s such a default reflex to prioritize people around me when they’re in my vicinity, especially if it’s constant. I lose track of myself and my needs when I don’t have isolated time/space for myself. I want to learn what I should have learned in childhood, how to prioritize my well-being.
TENDENCY TO NOT KNOW WHAT I THINK: I can be so in-tune with what others are thinking and feeling because initially I can’t tell their desires apart from mine. Plus I have the survival habit of discounting and dismissing myself, my needs, my desires. Choosing habits and routines that give me space to know my thoughts and needs is critical.
The healing journey is a wild ride. But since coming to this realization that I prefer to be single, I have felt such internal peace and alignment. I love me, and am so grateful to be connecting with, respecting, and appreciating myself like never before.
#single #selflove #healingjourney
