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In the early hours of my birthday, I am wrapping up the last graveyard shift in a job providing security at the local hospital. I originally took the position as it would allow me to continue working on my books, but it had some other blessings in store for me. Even though security is quite a bit different from the military, I worked loss prevention at Target in the past soon after my time in the Marines, so emotionally the two worlds hold some ties for me.
Both the Marines and loss prevention at Target were within the four years after I escaped from our abusive and controlling home growing up. I had not had much of an opportunity to develop emotionally or socially, amplifying the psychological blender that is Marine training.
So I was grateful for the opportunity to revisit this line of work and process through all those old mindsets with the new understandings and maturity I’d gained in the last decade-plus since.
Some of the contrasting understandings that I noticed was:
- A freedom from feeling like I needed to prove my masculinity or positional power.
- No longer feeling the pressure to be prepared for every disaster, but a knowledge that I and the people around me would be able to adapt to and handle whatever happened.
- A greater understanding that, rather than showing my authority, I could share my internal peace and stability with the people in the environment around me.
I have found an exciting fitness job where I will be able to utilize all my skills and passions for helping people transform, so the security position has been pretty short term. But I am grateful for my experience with the company, and for all the lovely people I’ve been able to work with at the hospital. I am especially grateful for the internal reflection and understanding that this position has afforded me.
I am always learning, always growing, always moving toward my deepest and biggest dreams.
It’s a good birthday. 🎈
